Tuesday, January 8, 2019

bachelor ep. 1 recap

DISCLAIMER: As a longtime, devoted viewer season after season, the previous season of The Bachelor really ruined the whole franchise for me, I almost didn’t even want to begin to watch this one if it wasn't for Colton. If you don’t know about the mess I’m referring to, look up last seasons outcome, I don’t wanna harp of the catastrophe that is and was Aries season. It was an absolutely gut-wrenching experience to watch unfold right in front of my eyes. I say all this to find myself, somewhat of a hypocrite, stooping to watch this trash t.v program, season after season. Hey, at least i'm being honest with all of you. After all, I feel that I have invested so much time and years into this franchise, why give up now? 

The more I get older the more I realize how screwed up this whole concept of the bachelor/bachelorette is. I am such a cry baby, there is no way I would voluntarily want to compete for someones love with 30 other beautiful men/women, and if that wasn't bad enough, it will all be televised on national tv?! No thank you. These girls are truly brave in my book. The camera crew would be filming me in the diary room crying all the time, they might just kick me off the show because of that reason alone. Sorry not sorry. With the 3 hour time slot that was mainly just footage of these mysterious and oddly staged “bachelor nation” parties to fill in the gaps of the lack of footage, here are my favorite takeaways from night number one. Shall we begin covering the lackluster 3 hour extravaganza?

I wasn't a fan of the long theatrical "bachelor nation" parties, I know I probably missed some events that transpired during them, like a proposal or two. I skimmed this section of footage to cut to the chase for actual first night of the girls and their interaction with the man of the hour, Colton.

Okay this segment was actually very adorable…some new and some old faces made it to this highlight. It's pleasant to see the bachelor "hall of fame" if you will. Celebrating the couples that have held up throughout the years and have totally normal lives despite of all the constant nonsense. I hear to much of the negativity from all of the breakups and the scandals within the bachelor realm. This segment was the light at the end of the tunnel. The huge question in my mind during all of this was "where was Sean and Cathrine?" Was the paycheck not big enough? Or do we all have a good understanding of where they are currently in life unlike the rest?

Wait. Colton's bit with his struggled of being a "chubby child" when he was younger hit home. Colton, have comfort in the fact you aren't alone.

WTF IS THIS SLOTH?: Let’s just paint the picture of the two of them get married and having kids. One day, baby Colton + Sloth girl asks how her parents met. Weird story to say the least. But look on the bright side, at least their child will have a good story to tell. Also, whats with this fad of having at least one contestant in a full costume? Do we have to revisit "chicken man" from Becca's season?

THIS TEA WITH THE MISS NC AND MISS ALABAMA! This is really sending me to the days of when I used to bing watch Toddlers and Tierras. Those were the days. I’m patiently waiting for one of those girls to throw one of their “flippers" out onto another!!

From a style POV, all of these dresses from last night I remember glaring over 2 years ago while shopping for prom, underwhelming. Also, the issue when the two girls were spotted wearing the same dress. With 30 women probably shopping from the prom section in Bloomies, this was bound to happen.

THE FAKE AUSTRALIAN: I’ve seen that trailer a few days prior to watching this and I nearly gagged. I guess what they say is true, you got to fake it to you make it.

THE PUPPY PHOTOSHOP: if I was Colton, that would be an automatic YES for me! So adorable.

Okay that “binch” that all the girls are oddly waiting for WOULD be from Fort Lauderdale lol. What’s up with South Florida Brewing up the girl that the other contestants despise? *ehhemmmm corrine.* Could it be our glowing, sun kissed skin? Or our good sense of style?. In all seriousness, that red mini dress though, I must get the details on asap! I also want to give her the benefit of the doubt, it was the first night and the producers do make crazy edits to pinpoint one contestant as the villain each season to thicken the plot and bring in the extra views. It's truly kinda sicking. 

FIRST IMPRESSION ROSE: I was really happy with who Colton gave the "first impression" rose to; Hannah! From what I observed, she's so adorable and had such a normal conversation with Colton and didn't go above and beyond to make a giant fool out of herself. You go girl. Do I smell final three?

Until next Monday,


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