Wednesday, November 28, 2018

My Journey with Anxiety



I’ve had this idea running rampant in my mind for such a long time, but I was always unsure of when it would be the appropriate time to post this.  Not only finding the suitable time to post this heavy topic, but how to properly address this issue that I, as well as many others, have faced one time or another.

Today I woke up with this abundance of confidence within myself pertaining to today's post. I knew that I must crank out this post today or it would be eating at me! I opened my eyes to the realization this morning that there is nothing wrong with how I may phrase any of this or how I should come about this topic. This is simply me sharing my story. Nothing but the honesty, raw truth of my journey with living and learning how to overcome my anxiety.

Before I dive into everything; I wanted to reiterate the fact that I have created my blog not only to inspire others with my style, but most importantly, establishing my blog to inspire others thoughts and well being. Human interaction, whether it be through any media form or face to face interaction, is something that is so important to our lives and has been lacking tremendously in our society.. I hope that my story will be able to touch even one persons life and show them that they aren't alone. So here I begin, tackling an issue I have been wrestling with for sometime. Here's my raw, complete story of how I learned to overcome my anxiety.

***

Thinking back to two years ago, the time I was struggling the most with my anxiety, I wouldn't ever imagine that one day I would be writing about how I overcame something that at the time consumed my life. I want to paint you all the picture of what my life was like during my junior and senior year of high school, dominated by my anxiety. Even though I was sharing my almost "cookie cutter" version of my life back then on my blog, it was incredibly hard to share what I was struggling with not only with my parents and friends, but to all of you. Not only did my anxiety create this constant worry and fear within myself, but held me back from enjoying little moments that were going on within my life.

It's a little comical to me that during this period of my life, I always prided myself on how I was “Miss Independent”' and so self sufficient; when the harsh reality being that I was being consumed by this perpetual state of fear and worry. At that time, it was almost impossible for me to go somewhere by myself, let alone drive anywhere. I was constantly troubled about wondering when and where my next anxiety attack would happen, with no one by my side to help calm me down. My heart would race a million miles per minute, feeling as if someone was holding my throat and not allowing me to breath and trouble collecting all of my thoughts. My anxiety was somewhat paralyzing. Since I was so oblivious to what would set off these episodes, I felt that this made my anxiety worse because I would constantly dwell on the same "What if''s?" and reenact these scenarios in my mind.

I can vividly recall times of having to leave the movies with my friends or while driving had the feeling that I had no control of my actions of where I would take myself and my car, or even having to leave a conversation with someone to step outside to get some fresh air.  I began to just accept my anxiety as a factor in my day by day life; probably the worst thing anyone could do. I began to feel alone in the sense that I didn't really have someone to talk to that felt the same way that I did; I was beside myself. My friends and family did the best they could, but I started holding it in more and more because I didn't want others to see me as "dramatic" or that I was using my anxiety as some cheap punchline.  

Countless nights I recall crying out to God asking Him to take this away from me, yet always finding myself dealing with this constant battle. Towards the middle of my senior year, I had enough and it was time I figure out what the cause of this chaos was inside of me. Maybe it's my coffee intake? Maybe it's the foods or lack of foods I am eating? Thus my "infamous" bag of almonds appeared everywhere I went, as well as cutting back my occasional cup of coffee to just one. Both these things affected my level of anxiety, but I didn't realize a huge change in how I felt mentally. I was still worried, still fearful, and still doubtful.

The summer before my senior year, my friends and I attended a conference our church held. This was the moment when things started to shift; not right then and there, but bare with me. I'll never forget when Pastor Rich Wilkerson gave a sermon about anxiety and the baggage it carries within everyone. Growing up in a church centered school, I was preached about this day after day; but I had never heard it taught like that before and I felt a presence of peace. I remember I was in tears because I had been looking, seeking and asking for an explanation, or even just something that could help with what I’d been dealing with.

From that moment I began to take a step back and examine my mental state. Is what I'm worrying about going to matter in 10 minutes from now? Is this anxiety creating any good in my life? Is all the negative things that I think can go wrong in my life actually happening? No. No and no again. It's taken me two years of finding this peace within myself to not dwell and worry on every thought, that I have noticed my anxiety slip away from me.  Again, I'm not saying that I never feel this way, it just isn't as crippling and sever as it was. It doesn’t matter if you consider yourself religious or not, I found the best way to help with my anxiety by meditating on the good! Focus on the good within your life, what can come for your future, what you have been blessed with in your present. Worrying doesn't add a single good to anything! Think of all the wonderful things you can be accomplishing instead of worrying!

I know I approached getting over my anxiety very holistically because I knew that it wasn't so bad. I encourage anyone who knows, or is suffering in that way to seek help from someone! Create a support group at your school, spark the conversation, help yourself and the well-being of our society! There is nothing wrong or selfish in loving and helping yourself out. Don't be afraid to have conversations about your mental health with your friends, family members or loved ones!! It's easier more than ever to give your body and mind the love it deserves.

At the end of the day and this seemingly endless journey, be authentic with yourself and your thoughts!! Self help is normal and a healthy part of growing into the incredibly awesome individual you are created to become!

Xoxo,
Jillian

Friday, November 23, 2018

HOLIDAY SHOP 2018


Thursday, November 8, 2018

The Ultimate Packing Hack!




Hey guys!

I've been home for a few days now after coming back form one of the best trips to one of my favorite cities, Boston! I can go on and on about that city and the time I spent over the weekend, buuuut todays post I wanna focus on this app that has transformed my life, and make packing so much more efficient! 

Not sure if I have mentioned on the blog that I am the definition of an over pack. Even if i'm spending the weekend in the keys my carryon, is stuffed to the brim with a million outfits to do an "impromptu" quick change...... in the keys.... where I only wear a t-shirt and my swimsuit at best. I knew I was only going to be in Boston for a few short days and didn't wanna cram Mary's dorm with an excessive amount of luggage (okay, I still brought a ginormous bag, props to the ones who can fit their stuff in a carryon.) I was determined to see if I can break my bad habit of it! 

Now, I couldn't have completed this treacherous task with my strength alone. About a month ago I discovered Finery; it's essentially the computer system Cher Horowitz has in her closet. (If you are not familiar with this reference from the cult classic, Clueless, I advise you stop what your doing and watch it immediately!) 



How I feel using Finery!

You simply sign up for free, put in some information and the app recognizes your own clothes and builds outfit inspo's, or even what to wear based on your location & the weathers that day, how cool is that! Technology is amazing at times. I was able to cultivate this chic look which I wore the last day In Boston. The best part of all of it, I was able to plan accordingly without having to bring along my whole wardrobe for a four day trip!!

To get started; levitate your mouse over this link to start making your life so much easier!!

One last thought! You can shop my outfit below if you please! :)


Xoxo,

Jillian















Thursday, October 25, 2018

Fall Essentials I'm Loving




This isn't a gimmick to "convince" or guilt you all into purchasing these products for apparent reason, take my word for it. I have purchased these products within the past month or so and have been obsessed (for lack of a better term) with each item. I try to find every excusing to wear each piece  I listed wherever I can! From the Madewell sweater dupe to the silk leopard pants, each of my fall favorite picks are essential for building a trendy yet classic wardrobe for this fall. Even if you like me, and live in an area where you see more Iguanas then leaves changing *like South Florida cough cough.* I digress. Let's get this show on the road, shall we?

Pink Striped Sweater: I popped into H&M a few weeks ago because I was lured in by their under $20 sweater promo and came across this beauty! This sweater is perfect because its light enough that I can wear it year round (i'm always uncomfortable cold), as well as layer it if it ever gets colder outside! The best part about this sweater is that is so similar to this Madewell one, for less than half the price!

Benefit Blush and Stain: This product is revolutionary. I was a bit scared when the helpful girl at Ulta showed me how colorful the "nail polish" looking cheek stain, but I was sold when I tested it out. This stain gives such a natural, flushed look that lasts for hours. Like, 24 hours. I also love the fact that it's such a buildable products, if you wanna increase how dramatic your look will be, increase the amount of product of your face!

Slip On Vans: I really jumped on the "basic binch" wagon when I bought these, but honeslty I have  shame in that! These shoes are somewhat of a throwback to me, I was crazy for slip on vans in fourth grade. I had mostly every color and even prints that collated with the holidays. I find these a better alternative to wearing flip flops all the time, since summer is "technically over."

Bean Boots: Since I live in a area where it only gets below 70 degrees two weeks out of the whole year, I bought mine used off eBay last year. Sure they are a little worn at the bottom, but I did get them for a steal of only $50! If I did live somewhere else, I would recommend buying them new. They are worth ever penny. I bought them last December before I went to Boston and didn't want to take them off! They keep your feet toasty warm and extremely comfortable. I walked all around Boston in these for 4 days and had no complaints!

Leopard Silk Pants: It was love at first sight with these gorgeous pants, I can never go wrong at J.Crew! I believe in leopard as a neutral and i'm overjoyed that leopard print is having such a moment in fall style! Not only are these pants incredibly chic, but feel like you never took your pajamas off, whats better then that? Oh yes I know, right now J.Crew is offring 30% off your entire order! Don't walk, run!


Hope you all enjoy my favorite items at the moment!

Chat soon

XOXO,
Jillian

Sunday, October 21, 2018

My Thoughts on Teami's Detox Mask



 I'm someone that believes in the idea that there is no in-between when it comes to spending your Sunday. One weekend you can crawl into bed all day, ignoring all your given responsibilities and have it be somewhat sociable acceptable because, after all, it is the day of rest. On the flip side, one weekend you have a huge laundry list of things to get done, people to see, meals to prep, dogs to pet, you name it. Today was one of those checking items off my laundry list kind of day. It wasn't the most hectic one, but I wanted to push myself to spend the extra time on my class assignments, go workout and have time to blog!

Days like these where I need some "me-time" from all the business,  I make it an effort to save time and spend it on myself, for myself. You don't have to be extravagant, just enjoy the little things that bring you peace and make YOU happy! For me, some of my favorite ways to decompress is to go for a run outside or try a new face mask. For a little over a month I have testing out Teami's Detox Mask, if you envy the look of dewy skin, you have to give it a whirl. The consistency of the smooth clay mask goes on my skin like butter! Not to mention, the smell is unbelievably yummy. Immediately after I wash my face off, you start seeing results of clear, bright skin. Yes you heard me, not days, not weeks, but minutes! The only minor flaw I found while using this mask is that if you use products to help with controlling ache, I would hold off on using the day you want to apply the mask. I say this because I found that it tends to irritate my skin if I mix the two!

Used my code @jillybean15 at checkout to receive 15% off $22!

Xoxo,
Jillian
 

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